Wednesday, December 31, 2003
A plane crash on an island, only three guys survived. They were captured by the cannibal tribe and brought before the chief.
The chief said: "I will let you live if you manage to pass two trials."
They got no other choice but to ask: "What will be the first trial?"
Chief said: "Go into the forest and bring me ten fruits of the same kind."
They thought: "That's easy." So three of them set off immediately.
The first guy came back with ten apples. The chief told him that he had to stuff the ten apples into his ass without even making a noise to pass the second trial. The first one went in fine, but when the second one went in, he couldn't help but to scream in pain. He was chop into pieces and dump into the cooking pot with the apples he brought.
The second guy came back with ten cherries, The chief told him that he had to stuff the ten cherries into his ass without even making a noise to pass the second trial. The first one went in fine, the second one also went in fine, everything went fine until the last one, then he couldn't help but to laugh out loud. He was chop into pieces and dump into the cooking pot with the cherries he brought.
The first guy met the second guy in heaven and asked: "You could have survived, but why do you have to laugh at the last moment?"
Second guy said: "I couldn't help it, because I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples."
A young girl's car broke down in front of a farm in a stormy night; she got no choice but to take shelter at the farm for the night. The farmer was unwilling at first, but only agree to it at one condition: "Both my sons are at their young and innocent age right now, I will only agree to let you stay for the night only if you promise that you will not sneak into their room in the middle of the night."
The girl agrees to the condition and stay for the night. She can't help but to sneak into the farmer sons' room in the middle of the night.
She told the two young man: "I am going to give you two the best time of your life, but I don't want to be pregnant, so you two will have to wear these rubber things.
Fifty years later, the two brothers were sitting in front of the farm.
"Do you still remember the girl who came into our room on a stormy night thirty years ago?"
"Sure do! I really had the best time of my life."
"Do you care if she really get pregnant now?"
"No, why do you ask?"
Do you think it's about time we remove that rubber thing?"
An old man brought his pet monkey to a bar, he went and sit down at the bar counter and let the monkey loose.
The monkey run to the pool table, grab the white ball and swallows it.
The bartender was so angry that he chases the old man and his monkey out of the bar. A week later, the old man came back with the monkey.
The bartender give the monkey a bowl of peanuts to keep it occupied so that it would not create problem in his bar again. But after a while he can't help but to asks the old man: "I seem to notice that your monkey is doing some disgusting thing, why do he had to put every peanut into his ass hole first before he eat it?"
The old man answered: "You remember the white ball he swallow last week? He got a hard time ****ting it out, so now he will measure everything before he eat it."
A shop owner employed a new shopkeeper. One day, when the shop owner was not around, a customer came by looking for a bottle of kerosene. The shopkeeper went into the store and search, came back and said: "Sorry, sir. We just run out of kerosene this morning."
The customer left. After the shop owner came back, the shopkeeper informs him about the incident.
The shop owner was angry: "Why you never recommend something similar like the paint thinner? We still got a lot of paint thinner in our store."
Another day, when the shop owner was not around, a customer came by looking for a roll of toilet paper. The shopkeeper went into the store and search, came back and said: "Sorry, sir. We just run out of toilet paper this morning, would you like to get some sand paper instead?"
A duck went into a provision store and asked: "Do you have any grapes?"
The shopkeeper answer: "No, we don't sell grapes here."
The next day, the duck came back again and asked: "Do you have any grapes?"
The shopkeeper answer: "No, we don't sell grapes here. How many times do I have to tell you? If you come and bother me again, I am going to nail your feet to the ground."
The next day, the duck came back again and asked: "Do you have any nails?"
The shopkeeper was surprised; he went into the store and search. He came back after a while and said: "I am sorry, sir. We happen to run out of nails this morning."
The duck said: " Then do you happen to have any grapes?"
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, then walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "That was my mistress."
The wife says, "That's it ;I want a divorce."
"I understand," replies the husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."
Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.
"That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is prettier," says the wife.
A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims, "I don't have any money but I'll do anything to get a message to my mother in Poland!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blonde says, "Yes, Anything!" With that the man says, "Follow me!" He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees." She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does.
Then he says, "Go ahead, and take it out." With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!"
She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says, "Hello, mom?"
Tuesday, December 30, 2003
There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more. Someone taught him. Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly :
"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love.
Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly :
"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" The one you think of is also someone you love.
If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to chose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.
In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many people that u meet that u can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover. If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.
In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. If you are willing to tell someone your happiness, I am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you. But it shouldn't stop there. If that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable, she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.
Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very important position in her heart.
If you are sad, who comes to your mind first?
Friendship is a strange thing. We find ourselves telling each other the deepest details of our lives... things we don't even share with the families who raised us.
But what is a friend? A confidant? A shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen? A heart to feel? A friend is all these ... and more. No matter where we met, no matter how long we've been together... I call you friend.
A word so small, yet so large in feeling, a word filled with emotion, a word overflowing with love. Truly great things come in small packages.
Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed.
It is a constant book always waiting... waiting to be read... and enjoyed.
We may have our disagreements... we may have our disappointments ...we may argue ...we may have concern for one another...friendship is a unique bond that lasts through all tribulations. A part of each of us goes into our friendships ...
our humor ... our experiences... our tears. Friendships are foundations... necessary for life... and love. Friends .. you and me ... you brought another friend and then we were three ... we started our group ...our circle of friends...
there is no beginning .. there is no end.
Monday, December 29, 2003
This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....
However,the girl's father does not like him and want them to stop the relationship...... So, the boy wrote this letter to the little girl.
1 "The great love that I have for you
2 is gone, and I find my dislike for you
3 grows every day. When I see you,
4 I do not even like your face;
5 the one thing that I want to do is to
6 look at other girls. I never wanted to
7 marry you. Our last conversation
8 was very boring and has not
9 made me look forward to seeing you again.
10 You think only of yourself
11 If we were married, I know that I would find
12 life very difficult, and I would have no
13 pleasure in living with you. I have a heart
14 to give, but it is not something that
15 I want to give to you. No one is more
16 foolish and selfish than you, and you are not
17 able to care for me and help
18 I sincerely want you to understand that
19 I speak the truth. You will do me a favor
20 if you think this the end. Do not try
21 to answer this. Your letters are full of
22 things that do not interest me. You have no
23 true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,
24 I do not care for you. Please do not think that
25 I am still your boyfriend."
So bad..... However, the boy told the girl before to "READ BETWEEN THE LINES", meaning only toread 188.8.131.52.9.11.13......So...
Please read it again!....it's so smart n sweet...Interesting right??
Sunday, December 28, 2003
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his ax fell into the river.
When he cried out, an angel appeared and asked,
"Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water,
and he needed it to make his living.
The angel went down into the water and reappeared with
a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the angel asked. "No." The woodcutter replied.
The angel again went down and came up with a silver axe.
"Is this your axe?" he asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The angel again went down and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?" the angel asked.
"Yes." The woodcutter answered.
The angel was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.
Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the angel again appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh, my wife has fallen into the water!"
So the angel went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the he asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The angel was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter replied,
"Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.
That's our story and we're sticking with it!
Thursday, December 25, 2003
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he succesfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blindman who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses How should he express himself? Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer.
HAVE YOU GOT THE ANSWER???
Juz open mouth and ask lor, aiyoh so simple.
if u got this wrong...pls go and flush yourself in the toilet bowl.
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
A housewife takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again"
Sunday, December 21, 2003
So the new Lord of the Rings movie is coming out and you want to impress some Ah Lian, you're trying to buaya by being able to explain the whole complicated plot with all the funny sounding names and words. You want to seem like you've actually read all 3 books, but - damn suay - even The New Paper is too 'cheem' for you. Neh'mine! Dun scared! Here is our easy to understand guide to J.R.R. Tolkein's trilogy, written specially in the conversational style of Ah Bengs, so you can memorize:
THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING
Last time got this short-short person with si-beh hairy legs called Bilbo, lor. He, hor, got this ring that last time belong to some monster.
But then, hor, one day suay-suay the monster want it back, and send his kah kiah to Bilbo's house to settle, lah.
But the ring, hor, acherly can make people very powderful. But then, hor, if you wear too long will also kena sai. Si beh hiong one, so better faster go and destroy it, lor.
So Bilbo's nephew Frodo. Aiyah, dun ask me why their name all so funny, can or not? You ask me, I ask who?
Anyway, Frodo and some peng yew kena arrow to go and destroy the ring.
But donno why also, they must do it in the monster's home, which is at the end of New Zealand there.
So they walk and walk and walk across New Zealand, lah. And then along the way, got monster chase them, got people want to hoot them, some of them dieded, all sorts of thing, lah.
At the end, Frodo and Sam, his pooi-pooi friend who I think so is a bit ah quah, got separated from the rest.
THE TWO TOWERS
Frodo and Sam meet up with this thing called Gollum, who look like he take too much Slim 10 like that.
At the same time, hor, the other friends get into some powderful hooting session, where, wah lau eh, even the trees can do gongfu one. They all fight over what, I also donno, but quite kan cheong, lah.
THE RETURN OF THE KING
In the end, Frodo and his peng yew all win leow, lah. Arbuthen?
- This condensed version of J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of the Rings trilogy was brought to you courtesy of the Coxford Singlish Dictionary.
Wednesday, December 17, 2003
A young wife sat on a sofa in Bukit Timah on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important
as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And
remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."
'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought.
'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After 50
years of living in this world, here is what I know about girlfriends:
Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.
Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.
Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.
Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.
Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.
Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.
Girlfriends pull you out of jams.
Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.
Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.
Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!
Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.
Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.
Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.
Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.
Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.
Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.
Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.
Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.
Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Jobs come and go.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don't call when they say they will.
BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your
behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.
My daughter, sisters, mother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law, aunties, nieces, cousins, extended family, and friends
bless my life! The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.
not really true... but just publish anyway.
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing.
To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.
Example : March 20, 1950
3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 = 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 = 2 + 0 = 2
2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date
in the example.
Your number is _____,
1 THE ORIGINATOR
2 THE PEACEMAKER
3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
4 THE CONSERVATIVE
5 THE NONCONFORMIST
6 THE ROMANTIC
7 THE INTELLECTUAL
8 THE BIG SHOT
9 THE PERFORMER
1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1 's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded.
Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judi, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch
2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable
relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off.
Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view.
Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Launders, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster
4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. The like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves.
Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey
5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions.
Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hamil.
6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help. They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot.
Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Meryl Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie
7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers & being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what not in the world at large.
Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez,Princess Diana
8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want.
Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbra Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus
9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful,
they need to build a loving foundation.
Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
She probably doesn't have one,"
Another dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far.
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
That heaven is never too far
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them,
a day to love them,
but then an entire life to forget them.
Monday, December 08, 2003
Are you Addicted to the Internet?
The Are you Addicted to the Internet? Quiz at Quiz Me!
FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome."
THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
Friday, December 05, 2003
Father, I killed my monkey
I let it out to
Taste the sweet of spring
Wonder if I will wander out
Test my tether to
See if I'm still free
Steady as it comes
I've said it all
So maybe we're a Bliss
Of another kind
Lately, I"m in to circuitry
What it means to be
Made of you but not enough for you
And I wonder if
You can bilocate is that
What I taste
Your supernova juice
You know it's true I"m part of you
Steady as it comes
I've said it all
So maybe we're a Bliss
Of another kind
Steady as it comes
Right down to you
I've said it all
So maybe you've a four horse engine
With a power drive
A hot kachina who wants into mine
Take it with your terracide
Steady as it comes
I've said it all
I said a Bliss
Of another kind
I said a Bliss
Of another kind
I said a Bliss
Of another kind
So maybe we're a Bliss
A Bliss of
A Bliss of A Bliss of We're a Bliss
Of another kind
Sometimes we spend time asking who is
responsible or who to blame, whether in a
relationship, in a job or with the people we
know. We miss out some warmth in human
relationship to give each other support.
Treasure what you have. Just a little story for
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of
marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy
was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was
around two years old, one morning the husband
saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work
so he asked the wife to cap the bottle and keep
it in the cupboard. The mother, preoccupied in
the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy
playfully went to the medicine bottle and,
fascinated with its color, drank it all. It
happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for
adults in small dosages. When the child showed
signs of poisoning the mother took him to the
hospital,where he died. The mother was stunned.
She was terrified how to face her husband. When
the distraught father came to the hospital and
saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and
uttered just four words.
1. What were the four words?
2. What is the implication of this story?
Check with the answers only after you have tried
to come up with your own.
Please scroll down.
The husband just said " I Love You Darling ".
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is
proactive behavior. He is indeed a genius in
human relationships. The child is dead. He can
never be brought back to life. There is no point
in finding fault with the mother. She had also
lost her only child. What she needed at that
moment was consolation and sympathy from the
husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone
can look at life with this kind of perspective,
there would be much fewer problems in the world.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a
lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must understand her
a lot and love her with all your heart.
"A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a
single step." Take off all your envies,
jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and
fears AND you will find things are actually not
so difficult as you think."
"There are many beautiful, charming and
wonderful men and women here on earth, it's just
a matter of who you get to meet along the way
and who you choose to end up with for the rest
of your life.
"Love has its own time, season and reason. You
can't ask for it to stay. You can only embrace
it when it comes and be glad that for a moment
in your life, it was yours.